Updated: Sep 7, 2020
A friend recently said everyone in this life gets something that sucks. It could be your health, money, etc. She said, "relationships are your bag of shit."
I started to wonder why the universe keeps handing me a bag of the brown stuff. And after countless hours of meditation and yoga, it dawned on me that it's a lesson. Clearly the universe kept giving me the same lesson over and over because I simply didn't seem to get it. I started analyzing my patterns and quickly connected the dots to the type of person I was allowing in my life. I was attracting and accepting what I thought I deserved.
I was attracting and accepting what I thought I deserved.
I found myself getting into a relationship shortly after ending another, with no time to debrief and breathe. I discovered I often gave far more than I received, and that my partners didn't make much of an effort. I allowed people to take advantage of my giving, happy and collaborative nature and turn it into control.
And so I started my journey to find my light...
I explored boundaries. What they meant, which ones I had, and how I viewed others'.
I thought about expectations. Those unfairly placed on to me and the ones I unfairly placed on other people.
I reflected on happiness. I became accountable for my own happiness and stopped trying to please and make everyone around me happy. I learned how the wrong people will quickly discard you when they feel you don't make them happy (basically putting their needs and wants always above yours).
I began loving myself. I started cutting back on my social activities because I realized I was uncomfortable spending time alone. I needed to listen to my thoughts and just be.
I started thanking the universe for everything I had, and everything I did not have.
Most importantly, I nurtured the dim light still alive inside of me. I steadily fed love, acceptance and forgiveness to the flame, and made a promise to myself not to share my light with anyone who does not share their light with me.
I've found peace and joy in my own stillness, and I wish you the same.