Updated: Sep 30, 2020
I've always been a driven, type-A personality. I know what I want and I go after it with hard work and ambition. I've often made decisions because it would get me the right job or provide me security I felt I needed. I've also made choices because I didn't want to disappoint others or let down their expectations.
Making decisions out of fear or wanting to please someone else, has not quite worked out for me, especially in relationships. If I start to peel back the layers on this one, I can pinpoint the exact times when I choose to do something because I thought it would make someone else happy. I let my head lead with justifications about why this was the right move. Let me give you an example:
I had broken off a long-term relationship with a man I intended to marry. It simply didn't work out, we just weren't the right partners. I moved back into my place and soon was faced with the decision to find a new place to live. I had just started a new relationship, it was really green and we didn't really know each other. He seemed nice and I enjoyed spending time with him, that's about all I knew. I was vulnerable, not centered - having not healed from the previous relationship and facing some financial hardships, thus not making the best choices. My intentions were to find a small place close to down town and live a simple life along with my dog. I was surprised when my new boyfriend asked me to move in with him. He told me a hand full of reasons why moving in made sense, most of them having nothing to do with love or feeling I was the one he'd searched for his whole life. He sounded rational, intelligent, and I fell for it. Maybe that was what I needed, a rational guy who made me feel secure.
Of course, it turned out to be a disastrous relationship. I didn't know him, and in hindsight, he put on a mask and pretended to be someone he wasn't. I don't think he truly loved me, it was more about him not being lonely as he neared his late 30s. I on the other hand, neglected to understand who I was and what I wanted. I didn't check in with my heart to know that what I truly wanted was passion, adventure and spontaneity. I wanted to experience life on my terms and was too scared to do it - so I settled for what seemed like a safe choice, hoping it would fulfill me.
I settled for what seemed like a safe choice, hoping it would fulfill me.
My relationships have been a rollercoaster. And quite honestly, it's my fault. I didn't trust my heart and my intuition to guide me to what I really wanted. Allowing your head to guide love will keep you playing it safe and often steer you to protect you from getting hurt. The irony is that you will end up twice as hurt because one day you wake up and realize the situation you are in is not what you ever wanted.