I was sneaking in a spin workout between work and afternoon activities with my daughter. I sat sweating and thinking about topics for my mermaid podcast series of amazing women and girls. I want to tell the stories of being courageous and limitless. The instructor was amazing, and in a moment of brainstorming I thought I should reach out to her. Between sets of sprints and mountain climbing, she talked about trading in her lawyer business suit for spandex and a life she was almost too afraid to pursue. I thought her story was exactly what I want to promote, this is the kind of woman I want to feature, someone who would inspire others to chase after their dreams even when everyone thinks you are crazy.
I ended my workout and after walking the dog and making dinner, I searched for this instructor on Instagram. Her life seemed amazing and full of the boldness I am trying to muster. I looked at her bio, she was a runner (like me!) and was filled with passion for life. I was surprised to see a contact number listed, only to realize it was the info to her agent. Then I saw the more than half million followers listed... my confidence completely dropped and suddenly I felt small, I felt unworthy and that her agent would only laugh at me for wasting their time to invite her client to a podcast which hasn't even materialized.
Throughout the night I kept comparing my plans for the future of Feisty Mermaids with her accomplishments. I wanted to give up, I thought, "Screw it! Nobody will listen to my podcast, read my articles or purchase a pair of my own designed mermaid leggings."
I began peeling back the layers and examined why I was feeling this way. I landed on fear. The fear of failing, fear of not being good enough, fear of being laughed at, fear of losing resources, fear of sacrificing so much for an uncertain dream... and I could go on and on...
I meditated to the new moon and sought guidance from within. I went back to the core of why I wanted to do this. Why did I want to launch Feisty Mermaids in the first place? And it was clear that what I am doing here isn't about anyone else. It is about me creating a community where I can share my stories and those of others, where I can inspire others to take the plunge even when the water is deep and far from the shore. I thought about my childhood dream to design clothes and the regret I would have at age 90 for never trying my luck.
My lesson this week was to keep making my path. To not compare myself to others' accomplishments. And most importantly that the fear I feel is real. I need to acknowledge it is there and walk along with it long enough to let my brain understand that I am the one that chooses how I react to it. I can choose to let it defeat me with insecurity or to keep going and build Feisty Mermaids anyway.
Photo Credit: Todd Turner @Toddtphoto at Unsplash